The Smoke Signal — Stafford High School — April 1, 2008, Page 12
Note: This article appeared in the April Fool’s Day issue of The Smoke Signal.
What do Stafford High School and Hollywood’s most famous heiress have in common? More than you might think.
Government teacher Mr. Chris Hylton has a secret he’s been keeping from his students — he is, according to his own account, the uncle of Paris Hilton. The only difference between him and the rest of the Hilton family? The spelling of the last name. Hylton says he changed the spelling years ago to protect his privacy and distance himself from the tabloid spotlight.
“It gets exhausting,” said Hylton. “Every time someone finds out, they want to know everything about Paris. I just want to teach government.”
When asked whether Paris has ever visited Stafford, Hylton was cagey. “She’s been to Virginia before,” he said, which students took as confirmation of at least one potential visit to the area.
Paris herself, reached for comment through an unnamed representative, reportedly said: “Stafford? Is that, like, a hotel?”
Students have reacted to the news with a mixture of disbelief and delight. Some say the revelation explains Mr. Hylton’s unusually polished wardrobe. Others are simply hoping Paris shows up for prom.
“If Paris Hilton shows up to our prom, that would literally be the best thing that has ever happened at this school,” said one junior who declined to be named.
Mr. Hylton, for his part, says he has no plans to leverage his famous connection. He is simply here to teach, and to keep the branches of the family tree firmly separated.